This rant contains MY OPINIONS so you don’t need to agree with anything. I’m speaking from a religious point of view.
I’ve witnessed a few things recently that have left a very bad taste in my mouth. A friend of mine has recently been approached by a brother* on facebook. With approach I mean just randomly messaged her about nothing at all. Just left her a very unconvincing story about how he saw her and now he just decided to message her. I told her to just ignore him because facebook is notorious for harbouring crazy males. Anyway, my friend is too nice and doesn’t like ignoring people so she answered a particular question he asked her. Next thing that happens is that they are having full on, deep conversations through facebook message. Here’s a story of two strangers, where one approaches the other and in the space of three days, they would have been able to answer personal questions about each other (-_-)
Anyway, so I asked her to ask him why exactly he messaged her in the first place because I don’t know about you but if this stranger man just randomly messages you on facebook, I would be a bit concerned. She did ask him that but he kinda dodged the question which again equals RED FLAG for me
My friend being the naive girl she is just brushed it off and continued developing a friendship with him. I kept telling her to not just engage in something like this as he is clearly a non-mahram to her and nothing good comes out of being emotionally close to a guy. Of course, my opinions were influenced by religious teachings and it was kinda a reminder for my friend to still maintain that modesty veil between him and her.
All in all, what ended up happening is that she asked him what his motives were for contacting her as it was a bit spontaneous and he said he just wants nothing more than being just friends. This guy is delusional. Is he that lonely for him to fish out a girl on facebook and just expect a trusting friendship to come out of it? It just doesn’t make sense to me! She also went on to say that she feels a bit uncomfortable if they get too close because they aren’t married/engaged/family i.e. they are strangers. I don’t know what his reply was because I haven’t spoken to her today. But this is what I gather:
1. He needs to reevaluate his life: He seems like a respectable guy. He is actively involved in our university’s Islamic society. From afar (looks are deceiving) he seems like a guy who would lower his gaze etc etc of course that assumption is invalid. As a muslim brother, you are meant to honour your fellow sisters in Islam and treat us with the upmost respect.
2. What does this say about his character? He messages girls with the hope of developing a friendship! WHAT IS THIS! You don’t contact people you don’t know and say “hey wanna be friends?” What’s that all about. And why can’t he search for brothers to develop close friendship with
3. I feel bad for my friend. Being too nice gets you into more trouble than good. Just accepting things because you are afraid to hurt the other person is just ridiculous. Some people need to learn how to say NO and stick with it.
4. Women are worth infinity: With this I mean, I would never feel the need to be controlled by someone on their terms. If a guy messages me with no good intentions i.e. marriage then sorry he is nothing to me. I will not allow a guy to pull all the strings and then me just look pretty and accept his requests. No dude.
5. He’s obviously not man enough: What happened to only talking to sisters/brothers when there is the possibility of marriage. He clearly stated that he does not want to marry at all and that they should just remain friends. In Islam, men and women who are not related should not have any intimate relationships whatsoever because of the consequences. And I live by that rule. The only time a man and woman can have somewhat of a relationship is if they are in the process of making the important decision to marry. If it has already been established that there is no marriage between the two, then I don’t understand why there is this “friendship”
6. No I am not the haram police: That’s why I left the decision to my friend. I told her that she isn’t stupid and it is her decision if she wants to further this friendship that is based on nothing and she realised she doesn’t. I really don’t care what people do. If they ask for my opinion then fine I will give it to you but it’s up to you to take it.
I stand firm in my personal opinions. I just don’t ever want to be used. No, I am in control of the situation. Never would I just fall for some guy’s trap. And also I can’t just lower all my high standards just for some guy who has no real intentions. I feel like I am worth so much more and only a real man would really understand this worth. And yes I don’t believe guys and girls can be just friends.
Bottom line is: please, if you consider yourself “religious”, also be religious in the male-female interaction department and treat each other the way you are meant to. I think if the conversation you are having are for a reason i.e. school, work, project, religious then that’s fine but my problem is when people engage in mindless chit chat.
DISCLAIMER: Not all guys are like this. I’m sure some real gems exist, somewhere, somehow…
*With this I mean a brother in Islam – a Muslim male